| I sometimes do the whole acting like I'm happy charade. But I'm never happy. I'm terribly, terribly lonely. I just want someone to love me. Not the stupid obligatory false, psuedo-love of a ‘family member', if my relatives are even worth being called that, the stupid drunkards. I just don't want to have to ever act a different way than I feel or put up a front. I can't even wear short-sleeved shirts anymore because of all the goddamn scars on my arms. I don't want to live anymore, but I don't know a good way to end it all or if I can really accept the awful finality of suicide. I have some miniscule shred of hope for the future left deep in me that I can't seem to mow down. I just can't do it. But I want to so badly. Is having one person love me really too much to ask? Is being able to trust one person too much to ask?
I'm sorry for existing. |
