| I used to love myself. I will be 30 before I even have an undergraduate degree. I cannot get a degree without devoting all my time to it. If I devote my time to it, I make no money. If I make no money, I have no house. If I have no house, I am 30, with a degree, no house, and no children. 30 is too old to have no money. 30 is too old to have no children. 30 is too old for the career I want to pursue.
I wish it were as simple as blaming my mother. She abused me for years, got child protective services called on her once but she made me tell them that nothing had happened. I am 25, evil men rule the world, and I have had just about enough. I think of the pill bottle every day, a handful, I feel them rolling in my hand, on my tongue, fading, nausea, blackness. I want to escape but I am trapped within my mind. I am so sorry. |
