| It's friday night and it's nearly 11 and i'm totally alone. this is really sad. i'm actually feeling really sad and embarassed right now because I literally have no friends. I pretend I do by going out with my roommates, but they're not even here. I used to go out with my neighbor sometimes, but it doesn't look like he's gonna ask me to come out tonight.like, this really fucking blows. i mean, most weekends when I'm alone, i make some shit up in my head to justify why i'm alone and that it's not that bad and that it's actually good and blah blah blah. but tonight, i feel none of that. in fact, i just feel lame, completely lame. and so antsy and bored. i mean, i've lived in this city for fucking at least seven months and I still have no one. I didn't think it would be this hard. It's just ..all the people I meet, I really hate and I just want to find people i actually want to hang out with instead of just settle for, for the sake of not being alone of friday nights. but sometimes i just say this to myself to make myself feel better about being so fucking lonely. the one year anniversary of my mother's death is quickly approaching, and i know on that day i'm going to feel like such shit and I really just want someone to hold my while i cry, not a boyfriend or whatever, it doesn't matter, just someone i feel close to. but i don't have that here. i knew this was going to be hard, but i didn't think i'd feel so fucking awful. i mean, i'm not all desperate and i'm going to kill myself and i'm full of angst and am a teenager.i just feel real bad right now. almost like i want to just go to bed so it can fucking be tomorrow. i hate weekends. be friends with me people! fuck! |
