| When I was in high school I used to cut myself. I never did it deep enough to cause serious harm and never in places where the cuts could be seen.
As I went through university I cut less and less til I eventually stopped. I haven't cut for maybe eight years now, and probably haven't even thought about it for four or five years.
Last week, it just felt like the bottom dropped out of my world and the urge to cut was so overwhelming I couldn't even look at a knife. It got so bad I had to resort to using the substitution tactics health services recommend to help people break the habit.
The strange thing was that nothing had happened - nothing bad or sad, I wasn't upset or depressed or anything.
The only thing I can liken it to is when someone who has not smoked for years, walks past a group of smokers and suddenly craves a cigarette.
I didn't hurt myself, but I was scared at how strong the urge was and how hard a struggle it was not to do it. |
