dad-beta batao jaan kahan se nikalti hai nbeta- khirki se ndad- woh kaise nbeta- kal didi ek larke se keh rahi thi jaan khirki se nikal jao  - in crazy jokes

How can you tell if you re making love to a teacher a nurse or an airline stewardess n nA teacher says we got to do this over and over again til we get it right n nA nurse says hold still this won t hurt a bit n nAnd a airline stewardness says put this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally  - in crazy jokes

An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat As she boarded the bus she whispered to the driver I have a dead pussy n nThe driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said quot Sit with my wife You two have a lot in common  - in crazy jokes

The next day God saw the cat and asked him How do you like it up here so far and the cat replied Great I didn t know you had meals on wheels up here  - in crazy jokes

Two Muffins n nSo there s these 2 muffins in an oven n nThey re both sitting just chilling and getting baked n nAnd one of them yells quot God Damn it s hot in here quot n nAnd the other muffin replies quot Holy Crap a talking muffin quot  - in crazy jokes

A couple had a huge fight one night n nGoing to bed husband says nGood Night old mother of 3 kids n nWife replied nGood Night Father of none - in crazy jokes

Kyun kisi ki yaadon mein roya jaye nKyub kisi ke khayalo mein khoya jaye nMera to yakeen hai nBahar mausam bahut kharab hai nKyun na razai tankar soya jaye  - in crazy jokes

Missing somebody Call nWanna meet up Invite nWanna be understood Explain nHave questions Ask nDon t like something Say it nLike something State it nWant something Ask for it nLove someone Tell it n nNobody will know what s going on in your Mind nIts better to Express rather than to Expect nYou already have the NO take the risk of getting YES n nWe just have one Life - Keep it Simple Silly  - in crazy jokes

Question Dhoni asks Rohit to bring a Pepsi Rohit brings the bottle but takes it directly to Shewag Why - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Ans Because Shewag is an opener  - in crazy jokes

I often feel guilty Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up dating him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week." "I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter." "NO!!!" exclaimed the nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward!"  - in crazy jokes

Solving a problem A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replies: "It's very simple. You're two tents."  - in crazy jokes

Low self-esteem A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist. He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better. The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."  - in crazy jokes

A mental hospital After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office. "Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck." "Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."  - in crazy jokes

Doctors meeting A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed. Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?" The other three agreed. The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients." The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want." The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me." The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret..."  - in crazy jokes

Finish the start My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.  - in crazy jokes

Upset is unhealthy The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly." On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?" "Yes," the boy's mother answered. "And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked. "Who cares?" the mother replied.  - in crazy jokes

Crazy people talk A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red. The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself" Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"  - in crazy jokes

Trouble sleeping The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. "Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac." "I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour." "That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?" - in crazy jokes

Fixing an ailment In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it's most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were told to wait as the doctor got their files. The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come in for her questioning. When Patty came into the office, she was instructed to sit in the seat across from the doctor. "Patty, you know the tradition of this institution so I imagine you know why you are here. You will be asked two questions, and if you get them right, you will be free to go. Do you understand all that you have been told?" said the doctor with a rather sly grin. Patty nodded, and the doctor began to question her. The first question was this: "Patty, if I was to poke out one of your eyes, what would happen?" "I would be half blind of course," Patty answered without much thought. "What would happen if I poked out the other eye?" "I would be completely blind," said Patty knowing that she had just gotten her freedom. The doctor then sent her outside while he drew up the paperwork and accessed Mike's files. When Patty got into the waiting room however, she told Mike what the questions would be and what the correct answers were. The doctor calls in Mike and he followed the same procedure that he had with Patty. "Mike, the first question is what would happen if I cut off your ear?" "I would be blind in one eye," he said remembering what he had been told. This received a perplexed look from the doctor but he just simply asks the other question so that he could figure out what the man was thinking. "Mike, what would happen if I cut off your other ear?" "I would be completely blind," he answered with a smile as if he knew he had passed. But then the doctor asked him what his reasoning was, and he said flatly, "Me hat would fall down over me eyes."  - in crazy jokes

Interviewing crazy A man who had been in a mental home for some years finally seemed to have improved to the point where it was thought he might be released. The head of the institution, in a fit of commendable caution, decided, however, to interview him first. "Tell me," said he, "if we release you, as we are considering doing, what do you intend to do with your life?' The inmate said, "It would be wonderful to get back to real life and if I do, I will certainly refrain from making my former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, you know, and it was the stress of my work in weapons research that helped put me here. If I am released, I shall confine myself to work in pure theory, where I trust the situation will be less difficult and stressful." "Marvelous," said the head of the institution. "Or else," ruminated the inmate. "I might teach. There is something to be said for spending one's life in bringing up a new generation of scientists." "Absolutely," said the head. "Then again, I might write. There is considerable need for books on science for the general public. Or I might even write a novel based on my experiences in this fine institution." "An interesting possibility," said the head. "And finally, if none of these things appeals to me, I can always continue to be a teakettle."  - in crazy jokes