Galfriend to Snta-Kuch aisa kaho Ke Dil ki Dharkan Taiz ho jaye Snta-Bhago 2mhara Bhai Aa Raha Hai. - in ethnic jokes

quot Clarence quot said the bird n n quot That s a dumb name for a parrot quot sneered the burglar quot What idiot named you Clarence quot n nThe parrot said quot The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus quot gt  - in ethnic jokes

Late one night a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty n nHe tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say quot Jesus is watching you quot n nSilence returned to the house so the burglar crept forward again n n quot Jesus is watching you quot the voice boomed again  - in ethnic jokes

Jump out of the plane nAn Englishman Frenchman Mexican and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says quot We re having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump at least one of you can survive quot n nThe four open the door and look out below The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers quot God Save The Queen quot and jumps n nThe Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers quot Viva La France quot and he also jumps n nThis really pumps up the Texan so he hollers quot Remember the Alamo quot and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane  - in ethnic jokes

When NASA first started sending up astronauts they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity To combat the problem NASA scientists spent a decade and 12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity upside down underwater on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C n nThe Russians used a pencil  - in ethnic jokes

Welcoming to America When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale. Touched by his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman found him a perch near the American flag. Later, Jose wrote home enthusiastically about his experience. "And the Americans, they are so friendly!" he concluded. "Before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang, .... 'Jose, can you see?'"  - in ethnic jokes

At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.  - in ethnic jokes

10. I did not object to the object. - in ethnic jokes

You can play road hockey on skates.  - in ethnic jokes

Mexican is at border A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now." The mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!" The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence". The Mexican man of course agrees. The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence." The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"  - in ethnic jokes

Jump out of the plane An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says " We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive" The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and jumps. The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and he also jumps. This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers "Remember the Alamo" and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.  - in ethnic jokes

You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.  - in ethnic jokes

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. - in ethnic jokes

You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Northern friends.  - in ethnic jokes

Why English is tough Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn. 1. The bandage was wound around the wound. 2. The farm was used to produce produce. 3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse. 4. We must polish the Polish furniture. 5. He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10. I did not object to the object. 11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row. 13. They were too close to the door to close it. 14. The buck does funny things when does are present. 15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.  - in ethnic jokes

4. We must polish the Polish furniture. - in ethnic jokes

The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo - it's sausage making.  - in ethnic jokes

Ant and a grasshopper THE ORIGINAL VERSION The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold. MODERN CANADIAN VERSION The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come the winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. The CBC shows up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. Canadians are stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Then a representative of the NAGB (The national association of green bugs) shows up on The National and charges the ant with green bias, and makes the case that the grasshopper is the victim of 30 million years of greenism. Kermit the Frog appears on the Nature of Things with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when he sings "It's not easy being green. "Jean Chretien makes a special guest appearance on the CBC Evening News to tell a concerned public that they will do everything they can for the grasshopper who has been denied the prosperity he deserves by those who benefited unfairly during the Reagan/Thatcher summers. Sheila Copps exclaims in an interview with Peter Mansbridge that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share." Finally, the Liberals draft the "Economic Equity and Anti-Greenism Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government. John Turner gets his law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal hearing officers that Chretien appointed from a list of single-parent welfare moms who can only hear cases on Thursday's between 1:30 and 3 PM. The ant loses the case. The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he's in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him since he doesn't know how to maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. And on the TV, which the grasshopper bought by selling most of the ant's food, they are showing Jean Chretien standing before a wildly applauding group of liberals announcing that a new era of "fairness" has dawned in Canada.  - in ethnic jokes

Bragging about Japan There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!" After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!" And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!" The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$300. The Japanese exclaimed, "Wah... so expensive!" There upon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!"  - in ethnic jokes

Defining these words For more than 30 years, New York magazine has run a contest in which contestants take a well-known foreign language expression, change a single letter, and provide a definition for the new expression. Here are some favorites. Harlez-vous français? CAN YOU DRIVE A FRENCH MOTOCYCLE? Cogito Eggo Sum. I THINK; THEREFORE I AM A WAFFLE. Rigor morris. THE CAT IS DEAD. Repondez-vous s'il vous plaid. HONK IF YOU'RE SCOTTISH. Que sera serf. LIFE IS FEUDAL. Posh mortem. DEATH STYLES OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS. Pro Bozo publico SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL CLOWN. Apès Moe le deluge. LARRY AND MOE GOT WET. Haste cuisine. FAST FRENCH FOOD. Veni, vidi, vice. I CAME, I SAW, I PARTIED. Mazel ton. TONS OF LUCK. Aloha oy. LOVE; GREETINGS; FAREWELL; FROM SUCH A PAIN YOU SHOULD NEVER KNOW. Visa la France. DON'T LEAVE YOUR CHATEAU WITHOUT IT. L'état, c'est moo. I'M BOSSY AROUND HERE. Cogito, ergo spud. I THINK, THEREFORE I YAM. (OK, more than 1 letter.) Veni, vidi, velcro I CAME, I SAW, I STUCK AROUND. (OK, another exception.)  - in ethnic jokes