I badly want to lose my virginity to one of my close friends. She's my first real crush on a girl, and I think about her all the time now. it's kind of a problem. I can't even explain itit's just, I guess neither of us is really conventionally pretty, but she's bloody gorgeous, all soft and bosomy with dark red hair and the scent of lavender and spices. And we have so much in common, and she makes me laugh until my stomach hurts, and she puts up with all my sketchiness and anxiety, and she knows so much about everything. I can't even begin to say how much I've learned from her. It probably comes of her being ten years older, but she's so young at heart that I don't even notice the age thing. The problem is that she is happily married, although her husband adores me and probably wouldn't care if we did have it off. And until May, she's also the professor for one of my classeswe were friends while she was still a student here, though, and we'll be friends after the class is over. She's probably not interested in me anyway, but she does know about my crush because I wrote a poem about her and then I felt so guilty, I had to let her read it. Strangely enough, she didn't freak out like I was expecting her to, but the subject is still kind of awkward. I think there's been some weird quasisexual tension between us since I came out to her as bi, though? (She's also bi.) And we might go to a pagan convention this summer without the husband, so if I play my cards right.. :D I don't know. I'm so confused. I mean, I have rules about not crushing on friends. But all I can think about is her. kissing her, touching her, us worshipping each other's bodies and mapping our constellations by moonlight. I'm kind of hoping it'll just go away and I won't have to deal with it, but for now that doesn't look too bloody likely. : Confess ID: 62ll6ehe        Posted On: 26-Nov-2008